wow. its been way too long. i almost dont recognize you anymore. i was going through the 100+ posts that kept this blog alive – all i felt was disgust. WHO WAS I? i wrote so angrily, so childishly and so blatantly. i felt so disconnected with the person that i was that i deleted the bulk of those entries. all thats left behind, are the ones i still want to be associated with. the dark years are over for me, a new light has begun.
what happened between then and now? i cut myself a proper break from the nasty chain of hopping from one relationship to another. for two years, i remained single. it wasnt easy at all, especially when all ive ever been for nine years straight, was in and out of relationships. to make matters worse, i was 30 and all my friends were either married or with babies. i was on the odd chair they had to pull in at group gatherings infested with couples. i couldnt contribute when the moms spoke about which pram in the market was the best, or matters on breastfeeding or the arduous birth labour they experienced etc etc. dads in the group would try to set me up on dates with their single friends… ah my dear friends 🙂 thank goodness i quickly got over my insecurities of not fitting in to societal norms.
i chose to see the world. so i embarked on adventures.
made my way to america with a close girlfriend. we went skydiving – best experience ever! i wanted to get over my fear of heights, it was so liberating. then i met a guy at a random bar, we chatted and the next thing we know, we booked ourselves on a flight to explore bueno aires together – it was the most spontaneous thing i did ever. as the months grew to years, i found myself getting stronger and more okay living the life as a singleton. i enjoyed movies alone, enjoyed meals alone (people-watching helped too) and i started to enjoy holidays on my own; flying around the world to meet friends. i felt such a sense of empowerment and confidence, and of course, real happiness. i was able to enjoy sunsets without having the need to share that moment with anyone. i felt invincible.
and then he came along. he is always positive, always has a bright smile for everyone he meets, is genuinely interested in getting to know people… in short, he is everything that i am not. i think it was his full-sleeved tattoos on both arms that attracted me to him. that bad boy facade didnt fool me. it was a nice balance to his genuine good-naturedness. he brings out the best in me and friends have said that ive never looked happier. there’s a spring in my step and my entire being was just fuckin glowing all the time 🙂
i am 33 this year. looking back now, i am so proud of how far ive come in terms of self-realisation and personal growth. if i had a chance to live my life all over, id choose to live this same life.